31 Dec 2018 – a year in review
2018 was all about growth and self-reflection.
It’s the last day of 2018 and I am only writing my annual round-up now. I’ve been procrastinating because I don’t really know how to summarise this year. It’s been a bit chaotic, which I realised wasn’t unique to me. Most people that I’ve spoken to have the same sentiment. Basically “2018 – wtf was that?”. This year feels like it’s also been much longer than 365 days and so much happened. It was mildly unkind to me, it pushed me out of my comfort zone, opened my eyes to certain things and made me think about what I want to do with my life going forward. I suppose those aren’t bad things, although these lessons were sometimes wrapped in shocks and disappointments.
Instead of boring you with the details of this year, I’m rather going to take you through the realisations I had this year.
I was pushed out of my comfort zone
This year pushed me into corners I’ve never been in before. It taught me a couple of things:
- I’m tougher than I thought I was
- It forced me to think about my career and where I want to be
- I had to face some fears and some truths – and was the better for it
- There are always people who have my back, no matter what and others who disappointed
I chose books over people
2018 was the year that I became more of a hermit than ever before. Because of this I also decided to read more. I fell in love with reading again and read a whopping 11 books. This may not sound like a lot, but it is for me. I’m a slow reader and generally don’t have too much free time for it. I read genres I wouldn’t before which opened up new worlds to me. The books I read were mostly written by women with strong female characters and discovered some great local authors too.
I was a terrible friend
Sad but true. I became a bad friend. I didn’t see a lot of friends in person this year, and I lost touch with what was going on in their lives. Mostly because there was so much, I was trying to figure out in my own head, I just didn’t have the capacity to socialise or be there for anyone else. To those friends who are still around and check in to keep tabs on me, thank you. I apologise for not being there for you this year. In 2019 I am making an effort to be a better friend.
I lost some confidence
I lost confidence in myself and my abilities for lots of reasons. Adding to this, I encountered a bully for the first time since I was a teenager. Honestly, I was horrified to realise that people our age still want to oppress, cut down others and just employ some terribly passive aggressive coupled with overtly aggressive tactics.
This taught me to toughen up, stand my ground (even when I was shaking out of fear at times) and to be aware of people’s agendas and character. I took something good from that experience in the end.
I need to start making strategic decisions
I’ve always been a person who just goes with the flow. Most of where I am in my life is because I just fell into it and went with it. This year opened my eyes and made me think about what I want to do. No longer am I just going with the flow but thinking more strategically about what I want. Generally I would also do things not to offend others or make others feel uncomfortable or awkward, but that is also coming to an end. It’s time that I am a bit more selfish about my life.
A good support system is vital
I’ve been going through a lot of growth this year, which is not always pretty. I wasn’t always the best version of myself. Yet, so many have understood without asking questions and just kept checking in on me even if I ignored whatsapps for days on end. For those who not only checked in, but also had my back when it came to work and life in general, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.
My mother, as always, was and is my rock! Always there to listen and to give logical advice, not to forget bunches and bunches of flowers. She taught me the wonders of gardening this year, and it’s surprisingly rewarding watching the plants grow and using it in my cooking.
My love, Mark, stays unwavering in his support and love for me, and I am grateful every day for having him in my life. He’s always a spark of light, love and energy in my life. Mark’s family is also remarkable and is always there for me too.
2019 is going to be an interesting year
I am excited for it. Doing my own thing will allow me to own some of my time, letting me do other things that I am passionate about too. Life is short, we can’t just focus on work. Life truly does happen when you’re not paying attention.
When I’m ready, I’ll let you all know what direction I am taking next year…but I can tell you that I am pretty psyched for it. I am going to be doing some things that I love.
Thank you, as always, for your support throughout the year, for reading the blog and following me on social media.
Here’s wishing everyone an amazing 2019, one where you find and follow your passions!