22 May Ground Hog Day in 2020
I haven’t posted anything in about month now. My thoughts are a bit jumbled, just like my emotions, in this strange time we find ourselves in.
It’s as though on some level life has been paused and we’re all waiting to push that play button again. Next week it will be June and I find myself wondering how that’s even possible? The middle of the year already and I still feel like I am only 3 months in. Surely time should pause too if that’s what happening to life? Yet, life does go on, albeit resembling Groundhog Day, every day is the same. I make sure that I keep to routine – wake up at the same time every day, shower, stick to my skincare routine, get dressed (even though it’s mostly sweat pants), drink water, eat healthily (somewhat and as much as I can), have set working times, make sure the weekend is different to week days, and wear make-up from time to time. Routine keeps my mental health in check, for the most part, anyways.
The chaos and uncertainty we find ourselves in is incredibly difficult, for everyone, but even more so to people like me – planners, empaths with a side order of an auto immune disease. That means that I am freaking out about not being able to plan past the end of the week, essentially; I feel absolutely everything and thus I limit the amount of news and fake news I consume regarding this pandemic (so please don’t message me or phone me to give me updates, I know what’s happening, I just regulate the frequency at which I take it in); and the fact that I haven’t left the house in 10 weeks, and not knowing when I can again because I have a higher risk of catching the disease, is also stifling.
Luckily, I realise how privileged I am and count my blessings. I can work from home, we have a warm and safe home environment, we have enough food and we’re mostly healthy. My mother is also wonderful, wonderfully wise and has a knack for being a realist but still seeing the positive in everything.
She reminded me that life is not on pause, but rather is resetting. Take that in for a moment. The chaos and pandemic have forced us to slow down to an extent, from not sitting in hours of daily traffic, having to stay home and not rush to in-person meetings or social events, not being able to pass the time outside of home; to being alone with our thoughts more often. This has made me, and I am sure many others, think about what is important in my life and what I want going forward. It’s going back to basics now that all the clutter is gone. We’re having deeper conversations with people in our lives, we’re forming deeper connections and we’re also realising who brings us down.
Personally, looking and listening to other people’s opinions, more specifically on social media, I have realised that not everything warrants my comment, that everyone has different opinions in life and on topics, and that’s fine. I am not sure if this has anything to do with the pandemic or merely that I am getting older, but I have also realised that the less I talk and comment, and the more I listen the more I protect my inner peace and also learn about other people.
Today is Friday and I am utterly exhausted. I find myself in this position at the end of every week for the last month. Is it because of work, the emotional toll or just the pure frustration with the world right now? I don’t know, there seems to be more questions than answers.
Keep safe and try to focus on what you have right now instead of what you’re missing and don’t have.